The morning was a little colder then usual, and very misty. This morning instead of Madhavananda's seminar, Jagattarini Mataji finished reading the Vidhagadha Madhava. It went longer then usual, and by the time it was over the sun was just breaking through the mist, and I was frozen solid, even in the temple room! Then it was time for breakfast, Kar was still not there so I saved him a plate, sat beside KC and started eating the prasadam which I am still not sure what it was. I think it was supposed to be some sort of kitchiri dish, but I think they put in sugar instead of salt, and something tasted a little sour too. To be honest I had a really hard time eating it, and felt a little sick afterwards. I felt a little sorry for Kar when he came and got his plate, it was a little bit bigger then I had intended, and I was worried he was going to get sick because his stomach is more sensitive then mine. But somehow we were both ok, and went to the last closing ceremony of the retreat.
It was an incredible privilege to be able to be there, to hear the words of advanced devotees, to be in their association, and to be right there in Govardhan! Although I am so thick-headed and dull, I could and still can feel the powerful effect of those words moving my heart, piercing through the thick fog of my consciousness. One thing that struck me and moved me so deeply was something that Sacinandan Swami said in his seminar. After sharing the story of the Bramhin whose sons where stolen by Maha Vishnu, he said that "Only someone who has been personally invited by Lord Krsna can come to the holy Dhama." I felt so deeply grateful then and now, to hear that, and to realize that for some reason or other (the mercy of Yamuna and Dina) Krsna wanted me to and allowed me to experience such wonderful times. At the end of the closing ceremony they gave everyone a beautiful picture of Govardhan Hill to take home, and then there was a few hours break until lunch.
Me and Kar decided to see the little bathing/washing area beside our ashram, so we went for a japa walk to the kunja, and spent some time just watching the village ladies wash their clothes. Such a simple life, all they had was a bucket, some soap and a scrubber. Of course it took them about an hour to do a load of laundry, but they were all socializing and spending time together. It was very peaceful and satisfying to just relax there and watch the villagers doing their regular duties. It really is such a beautiful place. After a bit, we went back and then it was time for lunch. The prasadam was amazing this time, with the best rasmalai I have ever eaten in my life. I think I ate way too much that meal, unfortunately Kar told me the raita was a little off, after I ate all of mine.
Finally it was time to go back, and everyone started bringing their things to the bus and getting ready to leave. It was actually really sad for me to leave Govardhan, even when I knew I was going back to Vrindavan. I can't believe I left. I was at the beautiful side of Govardhana, where there is no anxiety, just the sweetness of Govardhan, and I left, I can't believe it. To make matters worse an old Indian man yelled at me for about half an hour, in front of everyone, and I had no idea about what he was saying. I don't think he was saying anything very nice though. Then we had to wait another hour on the bus before we started off. It was a long ride home, and I started feeling a little sick on the bus. Finally we reached Vrindavan, and the MVT. I was totally exhausted and feeling pretty bad, but we really wanted to see Yamuna and Dina before we went to bed. So we went over to their apartment, and they were just about to start the evening kirtan! I was happy to be able to have an evening kirtan again, somehow the day feels incomplete with out it, yet I was so tired I could hardly stay in my chair. Even though I was missing Govardhan hill, being back with Yamuna and Dina prabhus made me feel like I was really home again!
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